malpwactice | ic inbox for golden peacock

[Wow, what a cruel punishment in her mind! Aak won't lie and say there's not a part of him willing to just suggest kinky sex and not actually talk.]

We could have a fight, sure, [he teases her casually but catches himself to specify:] With words! If you explode anything, I'm unarmed, I'm a noncombatant.

[He doesn't expect Rin to actually break out her Magecraft for anything he might say. Then again, there were a lot of things he thought he could be sure of that had been shaken a bit. "It was just the suit," only carried him so far. A festering wound couldn't be ignored, though. It needed to be debrided, even if the patient involved started griping and crying.]

Here, I'll start: [he closes his eyes and when he opens them again he's shifted from his casual look to something more sharp]

Why're you avoidin' me?! All you're doing is makin' things more awkward!

[Aak's casual tone prior to the sharp way he verbally digs at her following that surprises Rin. The sudden shift has her recoiling with a tiny bit of shock and wide eyes.]

I — [Well. Every excuse that comes to her in the moment is quite lame, which causes her to be stunned for some time.]

I don't know! Habit? How the hell am I supposed to know if you even want to look me in the face again?

[He can clearly see her eyes, how she doesn't know exactly how to approach the situation. That's fine, Aak thinks, since he's the one that had to go to the effort of hunting her down. She could squirm a bit a penalty!]

Habit? Ain't our habit being together?!

[How many times had it turned into staying for dinner? How many times had he seen her in the halls and immediately changed the path he was walking on? He felt the absence this time, chunks of time that were no longer occupied by sniping or lounging around her place.]

[he reaches out to- wrap his arms around her waist and squeeze pointedly]

You've got all your fancy data collection and junk but you're absolutely shit at just asking stuff, babe!

[Despite everything, she's still "babe."]

[Ain't our habit being together? That makes Rin wince. She almost pulls away, but with him clinging to her waist she relents. Her arms come around him, and the embrace is accepted instead. Rin begins carding fingers through his hair. A repetitive and soothing motion to keep her occupied.]

I was worried that if I tried coming back too soon that you'd... I don't know. Say something like you don't want to see me again.

[If she really was thinking seriously- he doesn't know what the ideal solution would be. He doesn't know what action would be the "best" but he knows that even when he's mad at someone it's something to see them around. It was better to have someone to have spats with than stew in silence. If he was on her mind, of course he'd rather she show it.]

Yea? [the soothing petting is helping a bit, draining some of the spite. He was playing up his anger anyways and when it hit her quiet guilt it didn't feel as fun.]

How many days until you'd be sure it wasn't too soon? Four? Seven? A month, to reee~ally be safe?

[He hopes she can feel just how stupid it sounds when he says it out loud that way.]

[Tohsaka sighs, and curls into him so that she can place a brief kiss on his forehead.]

Come on, what is it that you really want? I'm not running anymore.

[She wonders if she should lay back and just let him completely smother her. The weight and warmth would be nice, but... maybe he enjoys feeling like a clingy barnacle?]

[His brow furrows at her acting like he's being the unreasonable one now.]

... like, a "sorry" would be a good start.

[Sorry for running or sorry for the whole thing in the first place? Yes.]

It's not like I expect whatever was going through your head to make sense anyways. You could try and explain that shit for hours and it might still be weird.

[With how they are right now, he can at least bury his face in her side to hide his own expression. Even if he was the wronged party admitting anything about her behavior stung still made him feel vulnerable. He wasn't a cool guy with impossible-to-hurt feelings. He wasn't even her shady, amoral hero. He didn't even feel like "Aak," he felt like his birth name and a kid standing in the streets again.]

...Okay.

[Rin shifts a bit in the bed so she's more reclined. Less like she's peering down at him anymore, and more like they're lounging together. She takes a deep breath before closing her eyes. Knowing that they're enough alike that Aak surely doesn't want to be seen as he's demanding something so personal.]

I'm sorry. I was so caught up in thinking about what I thought you should feel instead of actually asking you. I should have at least tried before pulling back. I did a lot of weird things back then, and I'm not sure I can face all of them.

["What I thought you should feel," huh... He can understand that. They were both experts at pushing people away. The people who endured his normal attitudes were worrisome. Eventually he started to feel like he needed to watch out for them because if they put up with him then who knows what else they'd put up with?]

[But he was too selfish to leave someone alone for their own good.]

[He was too selfish to leave someone along for his own good, here.]

You sure did! [he squeezes her waist and kicks his legs helplessly against the sheets]

And then for all that talk about claiming me and me being yours you just ignored me! I'm not dating a quitter!

[Ugh.... "claiming me and being yours". Didn't he realize she wasn't all there? That something inside her was wrong? No. No, she can't do that to him. She can't say to one person, 'just give up on me' because her feelings were twisted but they weren't exactly false — only to then turn around and claim the opposite to Aak.

Rin's arms gather him up more properly. Gripping his lanky body and hoisting it up until she's able to spin them about. Forcing Aak now to be the one sitting upright so she can bury her face in his chest (or stomach) whatever is more feasible. The point is she wants to switch positions and bury herself in him.]

Dating, huh? Is that what this is?

[Said muffled against his clothes and the fur beneath them.]

[Rin spins him on the bed, a gesture he's quite used to at this point in their relationship. She then presses her face against his fur, takes the vulnerable position, and after just a brief dramatic sigh he reaches up to put a hand on her head.]

[truly a pair of emotional switches]

Yea. [He wasn't going to argue it, or submit evidence, or try to logic her into accepting it. He was going to tell her. After all, in his mind, they've been dating since that day in the pods.]

I'm your boyfriend. [although the statement is still tinged with hurt, like he was hoping this status would make things easier]

Maybe we aren't doing it like other people do it but who cares? [That part is more relaxed, more sure, as he starts combing his fingers through her hair. He can tell they're "camping" with the way her locks aren't perfectly maintained. He can catch little bits of knots from where she had to wash. The imperfections make him smile fondly.]

[What comes next is a deep breath followed by a heavy sigh. With the exhalation of air Rin seems to deflate into him, but she doesn't whine or complain. Instead it's more like acceptance. "Defeat," maybe, with Aak as the victor. Using words like, "dating," and "boyfriend" without her pushing away or trying to deflect. Instead she settles in against him.]

I'm sorry, [she mumbles into his torso.] I've got plenty of excuses, but I'm sure you know I'm just a coward.

[With her arms still around Aak, she gives him a squeeze. Holding him tight like maybe, just maybe, she didn't hold on tight enough to her family, her friends, all those years ago. The fear of losing Aak is what kept her from properly labeling him, and properly keeping him. So that if they were to be separated she could just keep moving. Telling herself she lost friends before and she could survive another one. But now... if she were to lose him it'd be another First Loss and a new type of "goodbye" in her long list of them.

For now at least his work on her locks is soothing.]

I'll be better.

[They were similar in many ways. For Aak, the emotional honesty necessary to get here also felt a bit like defeat. They each had to lose a little now and then against their pride and their self-image.]

'Course I know. I'm not some big, brave guy either. [he pauses in playing with her hair to pat her head]

[It was obvious that she valued him. Even before the suit flare he could tell how she hoarded her people and wanted to keep them close to her chest. The statues hauled into her room were proof of that as well. And he might not be able to promise that he'd never become another painful memory. He'd seen enough go through to know that not all of them possibly wanted to abandon him.]

[He took the step he was most frightened of. He made himself important enough to someone to really fuck them up if he fell.]

[If there was one thing he was good at, though, it was running with his choice once it was done.]

Just don't get all the way to perfect. That's a real turn-off.

[A small smile tugs at her lips as she leans into his hand. Honestly, after attempting to isolate again, it felt like a miracle to be in his arms once more. Every piece of him like a soothing balm to the ache of loneliness she always feels when apart from the people she cares about.]

Hah, no worries about that. All the forces in Heaven and Earth couldn't fix me or the things I've already done.

[He's comfortable. Yes, because of his fur, but also because there are somethings that don't have to be said. That some things can be silently understood and even if they aren't spoken they both are living with them. To her... Aak is familiarity and safety.]

[The fact there were so many unsaid things between them made them comfortable. They understood each others' damage in a way that was complementary. Sometimes they were soft fur and sometimes they were barbs. Sometimes they were a perfect honors student and someone they were a red devil.]

[So, he knows, that if he didn't say anything, they could have just drifted apart.]

[He'll make her pay it back later. He'll accept the payment in the form of years of her life. She'll owe him years and years of breakfast, cuddling, and playing with her hair. She'll owe him a room in her place. They'll owe each other and tightly wind themselves together until it no longer feels like a miracle but an inevitability.]

[Or something like that.]

Ohh, impressive-sounding, [says the guy thinking all the equally dramatic shit above.]

I don't care about the past stuff. I'll only keep a record of you and me.

A record of you and me? Honestly... that sounds nice.

[Rin's arms gather around him again. At first a tight squeeze, but then softening to just a firm hold. A reassuring weight letting him know that he won't be let go any time soon.]

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